You know what gets me mad? When people say they understand depression. They think that if they've studied it enough they know whats going on. They think that because they have friends who have dealt with it and told them about it that they understand. They think that they know the signs for depression. They think that they alone can help it.

Look, I'm gonna be that jerk to tell you right now that unless you have felt the heart wrenching depression that people suffer from, you don't understand it. Unless you have literally felt that weight of sorrow and hopelessness, and worthlessness, you don't understand. And when I say literally, I mean you can literally feel that weight crushing down on you. It feels like you can't breath. You can't understand the point of being alive, because no one would ever want a piece of rubbish like you. No one would mourn for very long if you suddenly weren't there.

In seventh grade I was so far down in a deep hole that I didn't think that anyone would ever be able to come to me. My friend wrote me...I'm not sure if you'd call it a poem, but it was poem-like about how there isn't a light switch that you can just turn on when you hit Rock Bottom. Thankfully at that point I was on the recovery, and it actually made a difference. But let me tell you, a few months before that, I didn't want to find a light switch, because in my mind, if I found a light switch, I was probably going to be taking some light away from someone else, and I had no right to anyone's light, and I certainly didn't have any myself.

Rock Bottom is a scary place. But you know what's really messed up?

It also feels like a safe place. You don't want to leave the one thing you know, because at least you know what emotions you're dealing with at Rock Bottom. If you try to change, who's to say that you won't have to deal with something even worse.

Over a year ago I posted about making sure that you help those people who need to be helped, listen to the listeners. I think it is only fair to tell you, that those people who are with my old friend Rock Bottom, they are not going to be reaching  out. You will not know that they need you for the most part, until they've already made mistakes. Most people down there are not strong enough to cry out for help, or more likely, don't believe that they deserve help. Show them you care. And no, this doesn't mean try to be the hero for that depressed kid you've never talked to, even if you don't want to be. To make a real difference, you actually have to want to make one.

If your best friend is going through a really hard time, theoretically you're genuinely going to want to help them. But what about that weird kid who keeps to themselves in the corner? You've never really given them a second  thought. But maybe you listen to a song, or a read a story, or even read this blog post and you want to be a hero. Look I'm not saying that you can only help people you've talked to before, oh my word no I'm not saying that, don't misinterpret this. But what I am saying is you can't help someone if you go into it just wanting to be a hero. You have to go into because you want to help them. Not to feel better about yourself but because you understand that they are worth something. You believe that they deserve better than they are giving themselves.

Every time I write a post on here I hope it changes someone's point of view on what I'm talking about, or maybe even just gets them to think. Although most of my posts are heavy deep and real, they are not to depress the crap out of you. I promise, I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy (that might actually be because I don't hate anyone, but you know. It's a nice thought that I'd be that kind). But I know that there are people out there like me, who need help. And I know that there are people out there like you who can help them. So, next time a friend's looking down, or isn't talking as loud as they normally do, or avoiding eye contact, or doodling instead of engaging (and those doodles are not hearts with some cute guy/girl in them), stop talking about yourself for a day. Just ask them about them. Show them that you really want to know, and you do really care. Help them.

And for those of you like me who are reading this post, I promise it's not as bad as it seems to ask for help. Rock Bottom isn't the best place there is. Trust me. There is someone out there who loves you. I know that everyone says this, and normally I'm always like, wow that's a load of crap, but I seriously do love each and every one of you who reads this blog. I will be praying for you who need help, and those of you who want to help, but don't know how. There is always someone out there. Even if they're on the other side of the world.

God Bless You All. Stay Safe.

Remember there is someone who loves you always.

Moments

       In life there is no rewind button. Once you do something, there is no undoing it. Any choice or action you make will always, ALWAYS be there, and there is no chance for you to change it. Take my junior year of high school for example. I got really sick this year, and I slacked off a ton. Because of that, my already low GPA dropped .08 points. I also got the first F in my life because I didn't do my community service requirements. Now I can do this over the summer, and hopefully bring that F up to an A within two weeks of school starting, but I've already made that mistake, and that is always going to be on my transcript. And because of those choices I made this year, I'm probably not going to get into a good college. Which is going to result in me probably not getting a good job, which will lead to a very hard life. The choices I made this year, are going to affect me forever.
      When you do something, do you think about how it's going to affect you tomorrow? Or next year? Or ten years from now? You should, because everything you do now, is going to impact you at some point later in life. Or maybe it won't impact you, but it will impact someone else. If you insult someone, or make fun of them, you have no idea how much hurt that puts on them, and for how long. You can take two minutes to say something mean or insulting to a person, and those two minutes of your life, could be enough to hurt them for the rest of theirs. I don't understand how people can go around insulting and making fun of people on a daily basis, people they don't even know, and they aren't melting from guilt. Everything you say makes an impact on people. This post is going to make an impact on people, if anyone actually reads it. I'd be completely stupid to think that previous posts in this blog haven't made people mad, or sad, or at least made people think. Once you say something, or do something to someone, you can never take it back, you can say you're sorry, and they can forgive you, but you still hurt them. Even if you don't have enough of a conscience for it to hurt you, your better believe you could have easily hurt other people, and that hurt doesn't exactly go away that easy.
    Look, I'm not saying spend every waking moment thinking about your future, I'm not saying don't live in the moment. But live every moment aiming to make your next moment has great as it could possibly be. And think about the people around you when you're doing that. Their moments deserve to be just as good as yours. Every action you do is permanent, and there is no erasing it, so don't make decisions that you are just going to be regretting for the rest of your life.

My Friend's Lame Question

Hey guys... so.. wow haven't posted since 2012... sorry about that. Been having writers block for months.. or I was just too lazy to do anything. I know it's gonna take a while for me to get back into the habit of actually posting alot... and it's gonna take even longer to get people to read the blog again. Sooo I decided to start posting even when I couldn't think of anything I could talk about. So the topic for tonight's post? I had no idea, so I asked my friend. He said to write about sleep. I said no seriously, if you could ask me ANY question, and get an honest answer from me... what would it be? I was expecting him to be like "What's your opinion on..." He asked me "What are your goals for this year?"

....

Thanks... So for this post you get hear about me. Get excited.

When I think about my future... I come up with a big goose egg. Nada. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't even know what I want to do this summer!

Okay. I do know what I want to do. sort of. I want to be a Youth Minister. My life has not been the easiest, it by all means has not been the hardest either, but it hasn't been the easiest either. The ONE thing that I've ever been able to hold onto is my faith. God is the only one that I continuously lean on for support. I want to help kids in the future see the hope that I have because of my faith. So that's what I want to do with my life. At least part of it. I know it's not going to be all of it though.

So I guess one goal I have for this year is to figure out how to show my faith better. Maybe if I show my faith better, more people will ask me about it, and maybe I can start showing people the joy of the Lord now.

So that's one goal... I know this is really lame to stop like right now.. but i'm falling asleep. I'll post more often I swear!