Basically my entire life people have used me as an emotional punching bag. I think many of us have gone through this, so in no way am I trying to seem "special", or get any pity. I'm simply stating a fact.
Growing up so many of my friends would be having a bad day and I would know they were because they treated me like crap that day. I remember one specific day in high school I had two friends who were awful to me, and they told me they were just having a bad day so I needed to suck it up. My guinea pig had died that morning. But hey, they were having bad days.
In food service they tell you to always treat the customer well, even if they treat you horribly because they might be having a bad day, and you don't know their backgrounds. But then again, I guess those customers who treat you like crap don't know how bad your day is going either, now do they? (Side note, I believe everyone needs to work in retail and food service for like two months of their lives. The way you treat other people when you've experienced it changes drastically.)
So many times in my life people told me I just needed to take it, and be understanding when people were mean to me because they were going through a rough time. And you know what? I wanted to help them so I did.
Then I got to college. Freshman year one of my friends was going through a rough time, and I told him if he needed me to, I would gladly be his punching bag. He didn't take me up on that offer.
It was him who, a few weeks later, told me that should never be okay. I should never accept that, because I'm not a punching bag, and I was not put on this earth so others could take their emotions out on me.
I've realized a few things since then. It is never okay to take your anger, or pain, or anxiety out on someone else. Yes. Yes we all do it, and it does not make us monsters. I did it yesterday actually. But just because we all do it does not make it okay, and frankly I'm sick of people using that as an excuse to do it.
When you're the one who is allowing your emotions to change how you treat others, here's a different option. I attempt to tell people what is going on in my mind and let them know that it might affect my behavior. Is that an excuse? No, there is none, but it's me trying my hardest to give an explanation. Do I always succeed, in doing this, and does explaining why it's happening make it okay? Of course not. But it's me trying. There will be times I either will not have a conversation in the moment or actually walk away from the conversation if I don't trust my emotions not to take over. Like I said, it doesn't fix the problem, but it's a step.
When you're on the other side, stop it. Here's something else important to know: letting other take it our on you does not actually help them. If you're anything like me you might feel guilty for being harsh with your friend while they are going through something, and you just want to help them get better. Well letting them drag you down is not going to help them get better, and it is not loving them the right way. If they're focusing on the anger and hurt so much it's overflowing to you, it's just going to harm them to let them continue. Allowing yourself to be a punching bag is not the answer in how to help your friend. Furthermore, you have the right to love yourself enough to tell them what they are doing is not okay, and not put up with it anymore.
Here's what I hope I will always have the courage to say to the people I love who are taking their anger out on me in the future: "Look, I know you're hurting, and I will gladly and forever be a shoulder for you to lean on. But I refuse to be your punching bag. I love you, and I respect myself way too much for that."
Guys I'm so, so sorry for every time I've taken my hurt, fear, or anger out on you. I am so sorry. I never meant to use my flesh as an excuse to treat you poorly. But I know I have done so, too many times in the past. My promise to you tonight is that I will try harder, I will pray about and work with God on this.
And I promise I will always be there for you. But I won't be your punching bag.
