Warning: As you read this post, I would suggest that you don't take any of what I say about my friendships and apply it to you. It's probably not about you, and I don't want you to get hurt about something that has nothing to do with you. Don't worry about it, I love you. :-)
You see the thing about me is I used to be a pushover. I didn't really care how you treated me. I would't complain about it. And I've had so many friendships that just ended up hurting me because of that. All because I didn't say anything. When you have so many friendships where the other person treats you like you're nothing, it can really put a dent in your self-worth. So I'm hoping some of the advice in this post will help those of you out there like me.
I'm not saying that you should only be nice to people when you can expect something in return, I'm more saying that friendship is a two way street. If someone comes to you only to have fun, or when they are in need of something, I don't really know if that's friendship (more on that later). There's nothing wrong with what that is, but don't let yourself get too attached to those people. You can help others without attaching yourself too much to them if that's just going to hurt you.
Look I'm no saint, in fact the first time I really experienced a one way friendship was when I was on the other side of the situation. I had one friend who I guess I wan't really much of a friend to. When she finally told me what I was doing: only really going to her when I needed something, I didn't know what to do. So I didn't do anything, and our friendship suffered. As in it ceased to exist for a while. Now that someone's treated me like that so many times, and I know how much it hurts, I feel terrible for doing that to anyone.
If someone goes to you only when they need something, it's fine to help them, and I personally think if you can help you should. My warning is simply to not expect the same thing from them. Because when you expect the same and it doesn't happen, that's when you get hurt. Help the people you can, just don't rely on everyone until they prove themselves worthy of being relied on, if only to save yourself some hurt. Does this mean that you can go through life just helping others with no one helping you? No. That's not what I'm saying and that doesn't work. I'm just saying all the people you are there for in life are not going to be there for you, and you need to be ready for that.
The next type of "friendship" is probably going to concern you all a bit at least at first in terms of what I'm saying, so I ask that you just stick with me.
If someone only want to have fun with you (meaning not talk about anything deeper than a puddle on a sunny day) that's fine, but again, I don't really think that's much of a friendship. I can't go as far as to say it's not friendship at all, but honestly in my opinion that's more of treating each other like toys. It is perfectly fine to just want to have times where it's just fun, and not heavy deep and real. But when that's constant, that's when I personally get nervous. It might be because I've had so many bad experiences with friendships in the past, so seriously, take this advice at face value knowing where I'm coming from. To me, the "only for fun friendships" (again) really remind me too much of toys. And when toys stop being fun, you tend to thrown them out. Get why I'm nervous? (And there might be some of you out there who are thinking "well Jenny, I have plenty of friends that I just have fun with... but we still are really good friends, I know that with our friendship, when the going gets tough, the tough are not just going to leave" (I really hope you understood that) and that is fine! I have plenty of friends who I just have fun with, but it's not because we consciously want that to happen, it's just because we're fun people and we always just end up having a blast just having fun. But the thing about these friends is I know if I did want to be serious about something, I could be. It's the friends that shut down when it becomes less fun that I'm afraid of. Okay? Get it?)
So for those of you on the side of the friendship where you're likely to get hurt, don't stop being the wonderful person you are and stop helping others for no other reason than you want to. And don't shut people out who want to know you for fear that they're going to crush you. Just know that there are people out there who are going to disappoint you, and be prepared for that.
And for those of you who think that maybe you might seem like you're on the other side of the friendship... Do yourself and your friends a favor and let them know how much they mean to you. If you feel like they're always helping you and you are not reciprocating, just let them know that you are in fact there for them if they need you. And if you feel like you just like to have fun, honestly I'd do the same thing. Let them know that you love having fun with them, but if they ever need you for something other than fun, again, you're going to be there for them.
I love you guys so much! Thanks for reading, hope I helped!
