"Friendships"

Warning: As you read this post, I would suggest that you don't take any of what I say about my friendships and apply it to you. It's probably not about you, and I don't want you to get hurt about something that has nothing to do with you. Don't worry about it, I love you. :-)

You see the thing about me is I used to be a pushover. I didn't really care how you treated me. I would't complain about it. And I've had so many friendships that just ended up hurting me because of that. All because I didn't say anything. When you have so many friendships where the other person treats you like you're nothing, it can really put a dent in your self-worth. So I'm hoping some of the advice in this post will help those of you out there like me.

I'm not saying that you should only be nice to people when you can expect something in return, I'm more saying that friendship is a two way street. If someone comes to you only to have fun, or when they are in need of something, I don't really know if that's friendship (more on that later). There's nothing wrong with what that is, but don't let yourself get too attached to those people. You can help others without attaching yourself too much to them if that's just going to hurt you.

Look I'm no saint, in fact the first time I really experienced a one way friendship was when I was on the other side of the situation. I had one friend who I guess I wan't really much of a friend to. When she finally told me what I was doing: only really going to her when I needed something, I didn't know what to do. So I didn't do anything, and our friendship suffered. As in it ceased to exist for a while. Now that someone's treated me like that so many times, and I know how much it hurts, I feel terrible for doing that to anyone.

If someone goes to you only when they need something, it's fine to help them, and I personally think if you can help you should. My warning is simply to not expect the same thing from them. Because when you expect the same and it doesn't happen, that's when you get hurt. Help the people you can, just don't rely on everyone until they prove themselves worthy of being relied on, if only to save yourself some hurt. Does this mean that you can go through life just helping others with no one helping you? No. That's not what I'm saying and that doesn't work. I'm just saying all the people you are there for in life are not going to be there for you, and you need to be ready for that.

The next type of "friendship" is probably going to concern you all a bit at least at first in terms of what I'm saying, so I ask that you just stick with me.

If someone only want to have fun with you (meaning not talk about anything deeper than a puddle on a sunny day) that's fine, but again, I don't really think that's much of a friendship. I can't go as far as to say it's not friendship at all, but honestly in my opinion that's more of treating each other like toys. It is perfectly fine to just want to have times where it's just fun, and not heavy deep and real. But when that's constant, that's when I personally get nervous. It might be because I've had so many bad experiences with friendships in the past, so seriously, take this advice at face value knowing where I'm coming from. To me, the "only for fun friendships" (again) really remind me too much of toys. And when toys stop being fun, you tend to thrown them out. Get why I'm nervous? (And there might be some of you out there who are thinking "well Jenny, I have plenty of friends that I just have fun with... but we still are really good friends, I know that with our friendship, when the going gets tough, the tough are not just going to leave" (I really hope you understood that) and that is fine! I have plenty of friends who I just have fun with, but it's not because we consciously want that to happen, it's just because we're fun people and we always just end up having a blast just having fun. But the thing about these friends is I know if I did want to be serious about something, I could be. It's the friends that shut down when it becomes less fun that I'm afraid of. Okay? Get it?)

So for those of you on the side of the friendship where you're likely to get hurt, don't stop being the wonderful person you are and stop helping others for no other reason than you want to. And don't shut people out who want to know you for fear that they're going to crush you. Just know that there are people out there who are going to disappoint you, and be prepared for that.

And for those of you who think that maybe you might seem like you're on the other side of the friendship... Do yourself and your friends a favor and let them know how much they mean to you. If you feel like they're always helping you and you are not reciprocating, just let them know that you are in fact there for them if they need you. And if you feel like you just like to have fun, honestly I'd do the same thing. Let them know that you love having fun with them, but if they ever need you for something other than fun, again, you're going to be there for them.

I love you guys so much! Thanks for reading, hope I helped!

Church

The other day I was in church, and something kind of struck me. We all have had a time when we griped and complained about going to church. For me that was middle school through high school. yeah it was a really long, and really dark time in my life.

Anyways.

We've all had that time when we didn't want to go to church. We have to wake up early on one of our precious weekend days (no I'm not being sarcastic, sleep is my closest friend). There are other things we can use our day for (i.e homework, study, chores, hang out with friends... the list never ends). Trust me I completely understand.

But the other day at church, I realized how ridiculous that was. Think about what Church is for a moment. Think about what you are allowed to do in Church. Think about who's presence you are in.

When we go to church, we are in the presence on all powerful, all knowing, and all loving God. Why do we complain about that? Why do we moan about that privilege? It's kind of like saying, oh gross. I have to go to a concert of a band that I love and have to actually interact with them. Times a billion. Get my point? Why did I let that opportunity pass literally hundreds of times over these last seven years? And that's not even the only reason to go to Church. There is plenty more that goes into a church service to look forward to. If not hearing the word of God (pretty important in a church service), another thing to keep you going would be the community. And I feel the need to say that if the community at the church is not a reason to at least stop by once in a while, there is a problem.

But back to the main point.

Church should not be a chore. It is a privilege. And I am overly grateful and blessed to live in a place where I can go to Church every Sunday. There are plenty of amazing things about church that you should look forward to. I'm not saying that is always going to happen, and I know from here on out I will not always be overjoyed about going to church. But it is certainly something to think about.

Finally some food for thought-Even when we complain about going to church, to go hang out with Jesus, that perfect creator that loves us, He doesn't complain. God looks forward to coming and spending time with us completely broken beings. A perfect God, wants to spend time with us. That is amazing.

Happiness.

Before I start, I need to say I'm not the happiest person around, though people have told me they think otherwise. I'm just a very good actress. I'm upset about something or other most days of the year. This post isn't me preaching at you guys, this post is just as much for me as it is for you guys. 

I was talking to this girl I know today about happiness. She said that she was happy some days, but it was okay because that was life. 

That got me thinking. Why is that life? Or rather why do we think that is life? I mean this girl is not the only person who has said that being happy only some days is "life", not by a long shot. I'm not saying that everyone should be happy all day every day with no exceptions, I mean if I was saying that I would be the biggest hypocrite I know. When I told this girl that I didn't think that was life, I thought that was just how too many people, especially in America see it, she asked me how we should see it. 

Well that's a good question. How should we see life, or more specifically happiness's role in our life? Here's my attempt at an answer. 

At first I was thinking an ideal world everyone would not despair, at least in my eyes because of what Christ did for us. William Willimon said in his book Calling and Character that Christian's weren't allowed to despair (don't quote me on that, I might be wrong or I could have misinterpreted what he was saying). I'm honestly not sure how I feel about that anymore, which is something I will post about later. But now to the point. 

Trust me when I say I know that never despairing, even as Christians is impossible. So with that in mind, what is the ideal world? I honestly don't know, but I am pretty sure that I know there is a flaw in the system somewhere. Here's why. 

If you ask anyone who has gone on a missions trip to a third world country, they will tell you that the children they met there, these children who have so much worse lives than we do, are happy all the time. They find joy in everything they can. I live in America, and I'm assuming most of the people reading this are from a first world country. (I'm not saying at all that people in first world countries don't have anything to worry about. Don't take it like that at all. I could talk for hours on the things we need to fix in America to make lives better for it's people, that's just not what I'm writing about now okay? Calm down.) While there are still important things we need to deal with here, we have more than many many countries out there do. And yet I bet we could find more to complain about.

I AM NOT SAYING that America is a privileged country that needs to open it's eyes to the real world (though one could make an argument for that) I'm just saying we need to learn to see all the things we have, rather than all the things we don't have. 

For example I know plenty of people who will get great grades on exams, but they won't see the points they did get, they'll see the small amount of points they didn't get. I am completely one of those people. (Seriously ask ANY of my friends.) Why can't we just stop, and be happy with our grade. And still strive to do better, not because our first grade wasn't good enough, just because we should always strive to be better. 

There is SO MUCH to be happy about in this world. And, yes, there is so much to be sad about in this world. But why do the sad things have to outweigh the good things? Why can't we try to focus on the good things, like those kids who have so little to be happy about? Don't let the joyful things in life pass you by. 

So... be happy guys. You're beautiful (or handsome) when you smile. There are people who love you out there, and I am one of them. I hope for the best of all of you. 

Love you guys!! Hope I helped a little. 

Be yourself, because everyone else is already taken.

I come from a very small school where everyone knows me by name. (Whether I know them is a completely different story, but everyone knew me). Most of them also knew my story and what I stand for. I never had a problem with this, because I'm a very open book, and no one ever made fun of me for it, normally people just asked me deep questions about my beliefs. I mean, at some points it got overwhelming and I wished that I could just go somewhere where everybody doesn't know my name. (Anyone get that reference? Anyone?) I think one of the things I found so exciting about going to college was that I was finally going to get away from the same stories and faces. Don't get me wrong, I love everyone from my hometown and I miss it a ton every. day. But I do think I needed to get away from home for a bit. But now to the point of my post.

College is hard.

Before I go any further, I need to point out that I am, maybe 5 weeks into college (I don't even know). This is the farthest I've been from home without my dad. Yeah it's gonna be hard. I'm not a unique case. This isn't my family's, or friend's, or college's fault. No one can do anything about it, this is  just a growing up experience. I'm not totally miserable. This isn't a post to say how horrible life is for me and how all of you should be sad for me. No. I'm fine, just homesick. Get that? Okay? Good? Good.

Anyways, college is hard. I don't mean the classes are hard, yet, I mostly mean the social life. I don't even know how many people are at my college, but I'm pretty sure my class is bigger than my entire high school put together. And coming to college I didn't know any of them. A few thousand people who don't know me at all is a big change from a few hundred people who all knew me fairly well. Let me tell you a story about why it is important for me to adjust to this.

I went with some of my friends to a senior's apartment to study for a test. None of these people knew me very well, it only being a few weeks into school. But I get comfortable around people very fast. So when the senior asked us if we wanted anything to drink, my first response was "yeah got any beer?".

Back at my high school, everyone knows that I wouldn't touch beer with a 30 foot pole. Not only because it's illegal, but also because I hate alcohol, and much more importantly it's against my moral code. People don't really know this at my college. To them I'm some random chick who's from Massachusetts and talks about hockey a lot. It was even worse for the senior who's apartment I was at, because we had met about 30 minutes before, when I walked into the apartment. It didn't occur to me to actually explain that I was joking, because back at high school I wouldn't need to explain it. Thankfully my friend who did know me explained to the senior that I wasn't actually being serious, and I'm just a really odd person. The senior understood and forgave my strangeness, and I would like to think we're friends now. But I do often wonder what that senior would think of me if my other friend had not reminded me that I actually have to clarify when I'm joking.

People don't know me or my story here, and honestly it's really hard to remember people are getting their first impression of me here. I can't just be my weird, sarcastic self here because people will think I'm a terrible person. I have to show people that I am actually nice (at least so I've been told) and normal, before I can show them that I'm insane. That's hard guys. That's really hard. And even though there were times I wish people just didn't know me when I was at high school, I really miss everyone knowing me. I hate how people see me now might be how they see me for the next four years of my life.

But that's the same everywhere, trust me I am perfectly aware that changing colleges isn't going to change anything. In fact it would just make it worse. I'm just saying it's hard.

So here's my advice to all you other first years struggling to fit in. Be yourself. I know it's a radical thought, but honestly I think people don't do that enough. You're at a new place where no one knows you now. That doesn't mean that you have to re-invent yourself into someone you think other people will like better. Here's another radical thought-if you do want to re-invent yourself, re-invent yourself into someone you like better. There are people out who are going to love you for exactly who you are, and those are the people you want to be friends with.

Back to the story above. The senior in question is seriously one of the nicest people I've ever met, and instantly forgave me for being so weird. But what if the senior didn't forgive me, and if that one comment turned them away from me forever? That one comment could have ruined a friendship. But guess what. If that one comment turned him away I don't think we could have been good friends anyways. I make jokes and sarcastic comments all the time. Saying things like that is the norm for me. I was completely myself in front of him (though maybe a bit sooner than I normally would be) and he didn't hate me for it! He could handle me being me and didn't judge me (too hard) for it.

You don't have to change who you are to make friends at college. Be yourself. You're a pretty awesome person, and the people who you meet are going to be able to catch onto it. If one part of you turns someone away from you, they are the ones missing out. You are not.

Look I know as well as the next guy how hard it is to go to a new place where no one knows you, but I promise you, if you are true to yourself, you're not going to be alone for very long.

Sorry if that was a little jumbled guys, I hope it made sense. I have a few more things I want to talk about, so it won't be a year till the next post I promise! :-) Love you guys to the moon!!

Wars

In my sophomore year of high school, we were talking about war in my history class. I forget exactly what I said, but whatever it was got the message across that I didn’t agree with war. I distinctly remember one of my friends turning to me and saying “Wait are you anti-war?” I didn’t respond, but gave her a “duh” look. Her only feedback to me was “Get out”. That obviously wasn’t something that my friend was okay with. The way she saw it, I was being an ignorant child by disagreeing with war.

The other day the radio was on in my dorm bathroom while a bunch of us girls were getting ready in the morning. Pretty soon after walking in, the air raids on Syria were mentioned. I had found out about it the night before thanks to my handy dandy news app on my tablet. It was troubling to me then, and from the look on my friend’s face, it was just as troubling to her. My other friend was standing across the bathroom, but heard all the same things we did. Her response was fairly amusing to me actually. She said that she wished she could just walk into a UN meeting, or even better a meeting of all the world leaders and sing to them a song. I’m sure you can guess which one she was thinking of. That great, catchy tune why can’t we be friends.

At this point I was still pretty upset over the air raids so I kind of gave her a weak smile, and thought to myself “and they would tell you you are being an ignorant little child who doesn’t understand the workings of the world” (you know, if they didn’t kill her first).

Here’s my question.

Think of two children. They start fighting over something, it could be something extremely stupid, or it could be something that even us knowing adults can understand the conflict in. Would you just sit there and allow the children to beat the snot out of each other? What if they were conniving enough to get other children to fight each other for them? Would you just sit there and let the violence happen? The general consensus (as I understand it) is no. Of course you wouldn’t allow the children to be subject to this violence. You would stop it as soon as you could and tell them (common guys I know you know this) to talk it out. Or maybe not talk it out, just drop it all together. (Dropping it all together don’t necessarily work, but that’s an idea for another day). Bottom line, you wouldn’t allow them to resort to violence. You would probably yell at the kids for getting other children involved if they did. You would make sure that the children got the message that violence is not okay.

So why then, is war okay?

Now I know some of you are thinking, “Uh… Jenny it’s a pretty big leap to go from two children fighting to war”. Okay, so… bring it up through all the ages. Doesn’t matter how old you are, generally the consensus is that violence is not okay. I know some of you still thinking I’m making too big a leap. You can’t compare two people conflicting to countries conflicting. Why? Because on the country level it’s too big of a scale, much different from two people jut disagreeing.

You’re right. Because with two people, thousands upon thousands of people aren’t being killed.  Two people might just get beat up if they disagree. People don’t even agree with that. Why then, would they agree with war? Maybe I’m just an optimistic 18 year old, but I have to believe that there’s a better way.

And... jobs.

So I'm going to be going to college this fall, and I really, really need money, so I did what any reasonable person would do, I got a job. Unfortunately, it's a job that I have to work horrible hours and never see my family, and I get paid next to nothing. 

Along with that it's a job where I have to deal with people who think that I have an IQ less than the cost of the meal they're buying.

I told my brother that I wanted to quit as soon as I could, and he told me that, hey it was a paycheck...something I've been told over and over again. 

But look, money doesn't matter to me, and I wonder how much my time with my family, and how much my self respect, how being able to stand up without being in pain, costs me, is the minimum wage (before they take out taxes so I'm actually only get 78% of what I make) an equal trade off? I honestly don't think so. 

I know someone who got a job last year in food service, and was getting bad hours, and bad pay (entry level job... not that surprising). But a few weeks into it she got accused of stealing money (by someone who had almost none of the facts and just assumed it was her), and got fired, for all of two hours, when they figured out that they had just done something wrong with the register, and begged her to come back. When I heard that story, I said I would have quit in an instant. I really wouldn't want to work somewhere where they fire me for something I didn't do, and something that they know almost none of the facts for. Again, people instantly told me.. that hey it was a paycheck. But seriously is working with people who don't trust you at all, and don't respect you worth it? For horrible hours... and minimum wage? I don't like most of my job, but I love most of the people I work with. That's one of the only reasons I can deal with it. 

 I know that I'm 18, and I can't say that I know the true value of money, so maybe... In a few years I won't agree with anything in this post. But right now...I just don't know how much minimum wage is worth. 

It is stupid how expensive life is. And it's obnoxious how hard it is to get an entry level job. But at some point... It is something you have to deal with. And yes, that really really does stink. But it's not the end of the world. So instead of ranting to you like I've been doing to my friend Danni all week... here's some advice.

If you haven't gone to college yet, and are planning on going away for college, get a job sooner rather than later. It's extremely hard to get a job for just a summer. I wish I had gotten a job earlier in high school, and I could have worked through this summer, and have some more money saved up. 

No matter what job you have, don't let it, or the people you deal with make you think any less of yourself. You are an amazing person, no matter what job you have. 

Don't let a job get too much in the way of seeing the people you love. Yes you have to work, and yes there's going to be times where you can't see your friends or family because you have to work, but don't let it take every moment you have. What's more important, spending time with those people you love, or money? Yes you need to make money to survive, but don't let it take over your life.... it shouldn't be the most important thing. 

Finally... Here's something a new friend has taught me- always find something to be positive about. I promise you there's always  something. In her words, if you're on you half break in an 8 or 9 hour shift, don't look at it as only thirty minutes, look at it as thirty glorious minutes to enjoy yourself and recharge. Find a friend who texts back fast, and send them a message on your break, or call them! If they can make you smile, it's worth it. I call my family every day on my break to talk, sometimes it's the only communication we have with each other all day. I text my friends and they always find a way to make me laugh. There's always a reason to smile. 

And lastly, find someone who's okay with you venting. It's gonna need to happen, find someone who will let you vent, but will also slap you back into shape when you're stuck in a pit of self pity. (Don't worry everyone does it). 

Alright I hope that this helped you somewhat, and it wasn't too ranty. 

Alright, thanks for reading!!! I love you guys. :)

Friends.

So, here's the deal.

No one would ever really describe me as a loner. I have more friends than I can really count, and every friend I have on facebook I actually enjoy being around. I work at burger king (more on that later) and I love meeting the people who come up to my counter (who are not jerks). Long story short, I'm a people person. Honestly, I don't get mad that often... But I do get frustrated.

Look before you read this-I'm kind of a horrible friend, and I'm not saying that I'm the greatest friend in the world in this post; everything I say here, applies to me as well. I just feel like it's time someone said something.

So in short, this post is about putting some effort into your friendships.

Do any of you have that friend that you do really care about, but you never start a conversation with them? You just wait for them to text you... because you know they will? You never go to see them, because you know they will always come to see you? You do really value them and their friendship... but you don't put in effort they do. I'm not saying it's fine for you to do it, but a lot of people do, so don't be ashamed, just notice what you're doing, and... stop.

Yes, I have plenty of friends that I do this to, but I also have plenty of friends who do this to me. And it feels horrible. It feels like these people don't care about me at all. I send them texts all the time... but if I don't... I won't hear from them. It's like I don't matter to them. Honestly I feel like if they sent me *one* text once in a while I would know that I'm not the only one who cares about the relationship.

I know I shouldn't... but I get discouraged. And that's one of the worst feelings.

So pick up the phone. Send your friend a text. Don't make them feel like they matter to you. All it's going to take is ten seconds to write "hi". Let them know they matter to you.

And hey, I'm sorry if it seems like you don't matter to me. I promise you, you do. Thanks for being in my life. (Even if you're just a blog reader). You'll hear from me soon I promise.