Moments

       In life there is no rewind button. Once you do something, there is no undoing it. Any choice or action you make will always, ALWAYS be there, and there is no chance for you to change it. Take my junior year of high school for example. I got really sick this year, and I slacked off a ton. Because of that, my already low GPA dropped .08 points. I also got the first F in my life because I didn't do my community service requirements. Now I can do this over the summer, and hopefully bring that F up to an A within two weeks of school starting, but I've already made that mistake, and that is always going to be on my transcript. And because of those choices I made this year, I'm probably not going to get into a good college. Which is going to result in me probably not getting a good job, which will lead to a very hard life. The choices I made this year, are going to affect me forever.
      When you do something, do you think about how it's going to affect you tomorrow? Or next year? Or ten years from now? You should, because everything you do now, is going to impact you at some point later in life. Or maybe it won't impact you, but it will impact someone else. If you insult someone, or make fun of them, you have no idea how much hurt that puts on them, and for how long. You can take two minutes to say something mean or insulting to a person, and those two minutes of your life, could be enough to hurt them for the rest of theirs. I don't understand how people can go around insulting and making fun of people on a daily basis, people they don't even know, and they aren't melting from guilt. Everything you say makes an impact on people. This post is going to make an impact on people, if anyone actually reads it. I'd be completely stupid to think that previous posts in this blog haven't made people mad, or sad, or at least made people think. Once you say something, or do something to someone, you can never take it back, you can say you're sorry, and they can forgive you, but you still hurt them. Even if you don't have enough of a conscience for it to hurt you, your better believe you could have easily hurt other people, and that hurt doesn't exactly go away that easy.
    Look, I'm not saying spend every waking moment thinking about your future, I'm not saying don't live in the moment. But live every moment aiming to make your next moment has great as it could possibly be. And think about the people around you when you're doing that. Their moments deserve to be just as good as yours. Every action you do is permanent, and there is no erasing it, so don't make decisions that you are just going to be regretting for the rest of your life.

My Friend's Lame Question

Hey guys... so.. wow haven't posted since 2012... sorry about that. Been having writers block for months.. or I was just too lazy to do anything. I know it's gonna take a while for me to get back into the habit of actually posting alot... and it's gonna take even longer to get people to read the blog again. Sooo I decided to start posting even when I couldn't think of anything I could talk about. So the topic for tonight's post? I had no idea, so I asked my friend. He said to write about sleep. I said no seriously, if you could ask me ANY question, and get an honest answer from me... what would it be? I was expecting him to be like "What's your opinion on..." He asked me "What are your goals for this year?"

....

Thanks... So for this post you get hear about me. Get excited.

When I think about my future... I come up with a big goose egg. Nada. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't even know what I want to do this summer!

Okay. I do know what I want to do. sort of. I want to be a Youth Minister. My life has not been the easiest, it by all means has not been the hardest either, but it hasn't been the easiest either. The ONE thing that I've ever been able to hold onto is my faith. God is the only one that I continuously lean on for support. I want to help kids in the future see the hope that I have because of my faith. So that's what I want to do with my life. At least part of it. I know it's not going to be all of it though.

So I guess one goal I have for this year is to figure out how to show my faith better. Maybe if I show my faith better, more people will ask me about it, and maybe I can start showing people the joy of the Lord now.

So that's one goal... I know this is really lame to stop like right now.. but i'm falling asleep. I'll post more often I swear!

So I thought that I would just share a funny story with you.

Well... I thought it was funny. You might not.

So school started this week, and one of my classes is Honors American Lit. I love this class. My teacher is funny, and the curriculum looks like it's gonna be pretty fun.

On the second day of school, my dad had a chance to talk to my teacher for this class, and he came up to me after and told me that my Teach. had said that I really knew my stuff.

So this confused me.. because I'm pretty sure I've said a total of like 10 things in that class. But my dad said that my teacher.. We'll call him Mr. T (for teacher) had told my dad that I knew all of the stories and arguments for what we were talking about that day. That I was smiling and nodding knowingly the whole time.

Looking back on it, I actually was doing that. But not because I knew all the stories and arguments. (I mean I did, but normally I wouldn't really show that). I was laughing at my own private joke.

Okay so in class we were talking about why we needed to be there. In school, and Mr. T had us write a list of reasons that humans read books.

Something on my list was unbelievably funny to me, and Mr. T kept hinting at what it was, so I kept laughing all through class.

But it all worked out in the end. My teacher now thinks I'm really smart. So win win situation. Class wasn't boring for me, and my teacher thinks I'm smart. Apparently smiling and nodding does make you seem smarter!!!

For those of you wondering what I was laughing at-on my list of why people read books was 

"Relationship Advice"

Tolerance

It seems like in the world today we are very tolerant. Accepting. We love everyone, and if we don't, well, we are just terrible people right? If we can't accept everyone, then we are, wow. We're just horrible.

So I know what you are thinking. Alright.. Yeah Jenny, where are you going with this? I thought you were a Christian and all "LOVE EVERYBODY BECAUSE GOD DOES!" ?

So first off, anyone who's met me on a good day, knows that I do love everyone. Even the people I sometimes want to hit over the head with a bat sometimes. I have no right to judge people, and I might have already said this, but I always give people a second chance. If someone has hurt me a ton then they lose my trust, but I still love them.
     Now I'm not saying I'm perfect when it comes to this, I don't always love everyone. In fact it's something I struggle with a lot, especially in the past few weeks.  

Alright back to the point now. So we're very tolerant. We accept everyone, everyone is equal, and we have to love everyone no matter what our differences are right? Right

Unless

Unless, the person in question is not tolerant. Then you can hate them. You can spit on the ground that they walk on, because they are not good people. Yep, I can hear the sound of your eyes rolling right now. You should know by now that I over exaggerate everything. But seriously, it is common for people to look down on the people who openly say they are not okay with everything.

Like us Christians.

Some (Most of the ones I've met) Christians are very open about what they do, and don't believe in. And if they don't believe in, oh I don't know.. Say gay marriage, they are shut out. Looked down upon. Normally, this is because people don't wait long enough to hear the full story.

Here's the thing about Christians-it is in our laws-right there in our Bible-that we be accepting of everyone. Even if we fundamentally do not agree with something that someone, that we accept them. We can pray for them and hope that your opinions will change (And don't freak out over that. It sounds harsh, but it's not), but we should still accept them. See the difference?

Now I'm not saying that everyone is going to be like that. I wish everyone was like that. But not everyone will. I think that most of us strive to be like that, but not all of us are. A quote you should know; "Love the sinner, not the sin". We pretty much all know that quote, and believe it.

So, here's my question-

If (some) Christians are so willing to work to accept people that they might fundamentally disagree with, why can't people work to accept Christians? 

So next time you meet a Christian, don't look down on them (not that you would), and give them a chance to explain themselves. You might be surprised by what you find.

Disclaimer! (if you can really call it that) I do not speak for everyone. I'm being a hypocrite and stereotyping. I know for a fact that not all Christians are that accepting and I know that not all non-Christians hate us. I'm just generalizing. 

FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS ME TO ADD TO THIS OR THINKS THAT I HAVE MISREPRESNTED YOU. PLEASE SHOOT ME AN EMAIL. WE WILL CHAT, AND IF NEED BE, I WILL CHANGE OR EVEN TAKE DOWN THIS POST. 

Thanks for reading guys! 

The Best Friend.

So... what exactly is a best friend? Is it someone you can rely on and call and talk to at any point of time? Someone that you text or call at any time and they would be eager to talk to you? I read this one in a book, someone that will lend you their car at any point you really need it? Does everyone have that person that your parents consider them their part-time child? And do their parents feel the same way about you? Someone that you hang out with all the time, someone who knows all your secrets and how to read you?

Is that it?

Okay, so who's your best friend? You don't have to tell me, just think about it. Are you one of those people who have one person that just jumps to mind, and you're smiling right now because you just thought of a funny moment with them? Are you one of those people who just have a bunch of people who jump to mind, and you can't really choose one?

Or are you like me, and can't think of anyone like that.?

To my friends, (since the majority of people who read this are my friends) I love all of you, and I consider most of you close, really close. I wouldn't have been able to get by these past few years without my friends. I don't mean to offend anyone by saying I don't have a "Best friend". I call a lot of people my best friends, and trust me, you are one of the most important people in my life, but for the sake of this post... based on the top description, I can't think of anyone.

Am I just putting to high a standard on best friends? I mean are they just someone who you can normally rely on and, so maybe you don't hang out with much, but hey, this is the 21st century! We live in the generation of texting and facetime. We don't actually see each other.

Maybe it's my fault. I'm kind of clingy.. and by kind of I mean very. And I have trust issues. I had some people who I thought of as my best friend, but when one of them hurt me I shut them all out, even though some of them had done nothing to me, at all. Maybe they weren't understanding enough (in my personal opinion), but is that really enough reason to dump a friend? No. So, maybe it's me. I can't let anyone get close enough to have a "best friend". You know, maybe I do have a best friend, I'm just too blind to see them.

Anyways. I'd love to actually hear from some of you guys. Tell me what your best friend is like, and what you think a real best friend is. And please feel free to yell at me, I'm used to it.

Again, I really REALLY don't mean to offend anyone. I really love all of you, and I couldn't get through, anything without you. :-) God has given me some of the most amazing friends on this earth, I just keep hearing these descriptions of best friends, and I just wonder... is it just me?

Have you ever questioned yourself?

Have you ever done something and wondered why you did it? Well okay, I'm sure that everyone has had a moment like that where they've done something stupid and couldn't figure out why they did it, but I mean something different.

Have you ever done something, that maybe wasn't that bad, but later you weren't sure why you did it?

What I mean by that is, did you ever wonder if you did it for yourself, or for the other person?

When I was little people told me that I was always searching for attention, and throughout the years that has made me overly self... judgmental. I'll do things, but then I won't be sure if I did that for the other person... or if I just did it to look better.

What if everything I do is just to feel better about myself? Or to get more attention? That would kind of make me a terrible person wouldn't it? What if I'm just posting this to get people to feel sorry for me?

It's just something I struggle with.

Let's see how many of you are alive out there.

Okay, so I want you to comment on this one. Give me one (or two, or three) word[s] describing what you think of this blog, and tell me how you heard of it.

K, can't wait to see your (most likely non-existent) comments!

The truth.

Alright guys, it's time for some hard news. People are going to hurt you. You will trust people that will make you feel like trust shouldn't exist. Adults, the people you think you should look up to will let you down. Some of them will tell you that your dream will never come true. Friends will betray you.

I know that it seems like I'm just a bitter teenager, but the fact is I'm not. I've been hurt countless times. I've had teachers tell me that I'm never going to get anywhere in music, the one thing I've wanted to do since I was a kid. I've had friends tell my secrets to my enemies. And yes. I've had my "best friend" get together with my ex.

It hurts. It hurts a lot, and if you're like me it hurts for a long time. And I know that it doesn't help when people older than you listen to your problems and they look down at you and say "Well that's high school."

So yeah. People will hurt you, and you need to figure out how to deal with that. And lemme tell you, drugs and cutting is not the way to do it. Find someone to be there for you. Or, you can be like me, and just deal with it yourself. But the biggest thing is you cannot let it make you think less of yourself. Look I know that some girl writing a blog on the internet is not going to make you confident in yourself. But, maybe I'll be just one person along the way to help you out with that idea. You know who I care about in your life? YOU. I don't care who tells you that you are not good enough for something. Go out and try it!

Wanna know a secret? I'm on my school diving team. I've wanted to be on that team for 6 years.

I was kicked off that team 3 times this year.

3 times! You know who hated herself at that point? This person right here. Yeah, Jenny. The person who might seem totally confident in herself.

You know why I kept coming back after I was told time and time again that I could not do it?

The thought of wanting to prove them wrong.

I still stink at diving, but I love the fact that I went out and tried it. And no matter how bad I am now, I know that I will try, and try and try, and I will continue to prove them wrong. And I'm doing it for me. Not for them. At least not anymore.

Guys. I know you will get hurt. I know people will let you down. But find someone who can keep you happy and up. If that person is you, then never let someone tell you that you are not worth it, because you are.

Alright. Love you guys, and never forget that.

Judging people. (sorry if this is a little scatter-brained sounding...)

Judging people is something that EVERYONE does. Don't try and be all high and mighty and tell everyone else that you don't. When you first see people, or first meet people, your brain will make little tiny judgments. What makes people judgmental or not is what we do with those judgments. Will you act on it, or will you ignore it and give the person an actual chance?

Now I'm not saying that if you have this feeling that this person is an axe murderer, and he's holding an axe and looks like he's about to kill you  that you shouldn't show caution, but I think you get my point. Sometimes those kids who look totally mean, or preppy, or drama..y and you don't think you want anything to do with them could end up being your best friend if you gave them a chance.

My family is well known in my school as the "Technical People" when it comes to our drama program, and I joined high school totally up for throwing myself into my family legacy. Only... It kind of (excuse my language) sucked. Not going to go into why, but last year I was miserable, and going into my sophomore year I needed a change. Not wanted, I needed one if I wanted to get through this year without ending up in a mental hospital.

Okay.. So what's the problem? What does this have to do with judging people?

Well because I was in the Drama department.. I didn't really think much of the athletes. Unless it's track, most drama and sport people don't really mix at my school. But... in my school it seems to be Drama or Athletics. So I changed to sports. Even though I was.. yes afraid of most of the people there. I thought they would judge my lack of skill, and just think of me as the Ames in the wrong place. But guess what... that didn't happen.

I met some of the nicest people ever this year. And guess what.. these people actually cared about me. They didn't judge me instantly, or if they did, they actually gave me a chance. This year was the first year I could actually say I was happy to get up in the morning.

But judging is a two way street.  (I know.. that phrase sounds wrong doesn't it... well anyways) I would be lying if I were to say that I went into my sports non-judgmental. No, I thought that the captains and stars of my teams would just be full of themselves and look down on everyone else. I am very happy to say that once I got past that, and actually gave people a chance to show me who they really are, I was really surprised. Sports at my school.. at least the ones I was involved in are not nearly as terrible as I thought they would be.

Once I got beyond my fear of messing up or someone hating me, I actually understood what it meant to be part of a team.

So guys, don't judge people, and don't judge things. Give people and new things (like clubs) a try, even if your first impression isn't the best. If you give them a second try, it might surprise you.

Short people and long showers.

Alright, after yesterdays heavy deep and real post, I think it is time for a less emotional post. At least less emotional for you. For me it is very emotional. Very.

So.. Some people might consider me short. Okay the majority of people consider me short... even my short guy friends make fun of me for being short.

I also take very long showers. Well not ridiculously long, like somewhere around 20, 25 minute showers. I know I kill the environment and waste water and I actually do feel really bad about it, but here's the thing, when I started trying to take shorter showers, I wasn't getting all the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair.  So I started thinking, okay maybe I do have to take this length of showers to get all of the stuff out of my hair, but... why? I have friends that have just as long hair as me and they don't have to worry about taking long showers... so what is it?

Then it struck me-they're all taller than me.

I know what you're thinking, okay... Um.. what does that have to do with anything? But here's the thing. Taller=closer to the shower head=more pressure on your head and hair=your shampoo and conditioner comes out a LOT quicker.

So I uncovered it. The long shower/short people problem.

For us short people, maybe we should start bringing a stepping stool into the shower, or we could all buy those removable shower heads? I don't know, but the most important thing is, short people are not just self centered and just take long showers for the heck of it. We actually have a reason.

So I know this is like nothing compared to the last post, and for everyone who missed it, I beg of you to go read it, but it's been bothering me for a while.

Just remember kids, next time your short friend takes a long shower, don't yell at them for it. And from now on, us short people will try and come up with a way to become taller. Or just take shorter showers... We can form an alliance! Like Short People for Short Showers! And... yeah.. okay hoped you enjoyed it!

Holding it inside.

Alright guys, I haven't written for a while... mostly because I was too lazy. Yeah, I'm not afraid to say it. But I'm back now with a post that a little down to earth, and might be shocking for those of you who know me.

I know what it's like to be constantly hurting. Why? Because I always suck in my grief and pain and anger, and only let it out when I'm alone or it just bursts. Why do I do this? Because I find it's easier to pretend I'm fine than watch people grow bored with my pain.

Now don't get me wrong I have a ton of amazing friends, and I'm sure that most of them wouldn't get bored with me if I were to tell them about what's bothering me. Hey I mean I've gotten 385 page views on a blog that is simply about what makes me angry.

But lets think about it. I'm sure that you all have that one friend that smiles all the time, is always there for you, and always tries to make everyone laugh. (I'm not saying I'm that person, I simply strive to be that person) Would you still like them just as much if you realized that they have so much pent up anger and grief and are just waiting to explode? Wouldn't it just be easier for you to just ignore that part of them, and just think about the smiling happy go lucky kid that you're used to?

Now I'm not saying everyone is like that, don't get me wrong. In fact right now I have two friend who wanted to help me deal with some news that I just got that had me crying the second I heard it (even if it is just some stupid teenage problem). One of them told me that she would be crushed if she found out what I did and wanted to know if I wanted to call her.

But for me it's easier to hide behind the computer, where no one can see my tears. Or hear them. It's easier to be the kid that's just always happy, even if it does hurt.

But I know for a fact that it's not just me who feels like this. There is this kid at my school who is the nicest guy you will ever meet. He always has a smile on his face, and is ALWAYS willing to help you out with anything. You would think he's the happiest guy ever, but last year I got to see another side of him, if only a tiny bit of it. I learned that he is so angry. And he actually has a good reason to be. But he keeps it inside so as not to burden anyone with it.

I just want to be there for him, but the biggest question is, does he want anyone to be there for him? I know even the people to offer to help me don't get any of my emotions, because I'm afraid to let them see the real me.

But anyways here's what I have to say. If you are that kid who bottles stuff up inside, I dare you to find someone to talk to. Someone who wants to listen. I know it's going to be hard to open up after all this time of hiding away, but I promise you it's for the best. (and yes I understand I'm being hypocritical) And for those of you who do have someone you can talk to, someone you let see the real pain you feel, be there for someone else. Or the same person. It doesn't matter. Just be there for someone. It makes a difference.

For those of you like me, don't hold it in until it makes a scar.

A little something about me.

So for anyone who doesn't know me... here are 10 facts.

1) If anyone ever asked me who my best friend was, I would not be able to answer them. Its a long story, wanna know more about it? Ask me about it. 
2) If you ever see me sitting alone at a computer with earbuds in my head, I will either be catching up on my favorite t.v. show, jamming out to music, or editing something I've recorded myself.
3) The things of importance in my life goes from 1. God 2. Family 3. Music 4. Getting good grades and 5. trying my best not to let anyone down.
4) I have been diagnosed with depression, ADHD and dyslexia. Talk to me about it
5) If my homework didn't get done it is most likely because I just found a new book that I love and I couldn't get my nose out of it long enough to do my homework.
6) Sex Drugs Smoking and Alcohol are not on my agenda. Ever.
       (Do I judge you if you do them? Nope. I have friends who do some of these things at school. Does this mean I agree with what they are doing? Not really, but it's also not my life to live, its theirs) Wanna talk to me about it? Yell at me, ask me if its difficult to live it or not? Email me.
7) I have a ton of pets, and I love them all a TON. In fact at my house you can normally see me either playing with my dog or walking around with one of my...smaller animals. 
8) I will laugh at almost anything that is remotely funny. Especially if its a pun. I love puns.
9) Most people see me as a generally happy person, and I honestly try to have a smile on my face at all times.
10) My favorite sport ever is swimming because I LOVE water. 


So there's a little something about me. Any more questions about me? Ask away. 

Siblings.

So. I turned sixteen the other day. People haven't been asking me what it's like to be sixteen, but they have been asking me what my sweet sixteen was like. It kinda stunk. Well. that's a lie. It was good, because my brother was home, and I got to spend some time with my whole family. And I got a lot of nice stuff, and... My family said happy birthday, and the second half of the day I spent with my dad, and he took me to a hockey game, and then out to dinner, and I had an amazing time! But...

Okay so I know that I complain about everything... And a lot of you guys most likely hate me for it, but I feel like sometimes, people should try to put aside their problems to try to make someone's day better. Now, let me tell you, I love my siblings, a ton. I would literally die for them, but...sometimes they make me really upset.

On the day of my sixteenth birthday, my siblings were fighting. With each other (not much) with their significant others, and although not much, with me too. Probably not needless to say, by the middle of the day  I was pretty upset, and no one really seemed to be having a good time. When we got to lunch, it was a lot better, but still, there was quite a lot of tension that was going around the table we were all sitting at.

My day got better when I went off to a hockey game and it was just me and my dad, because unlike my sibs, he got a good nights rest and once there were two people, there were many less arguments that could be thrown around. What does that say? Does that say that the source of Jenny's pain is her siblings?

Nope. And seriously, if you think that.... you're an older sibling. Or... something else. I don't know.  What it does say, is me and my dad tend to get along better than me and siblings, at least when we are at a hockey game. I'm pretty sure that we get along better in general, because he's my dad, and not my sibling.

Now. After this story, what does this say about me? It seems to say that my siblings and I always fight, and we don't get along very well, and i would rather be with my father than with my siblings.

This, is not how I view my relationship with my siblings at all. I'm the baby, and I've always thought that my siblings get along with each other better than how they got along with me. They have assured me that this is not true, but being the baby and in my stubbornness, I don't believe them. But I do love them. A ton.

One of my siblings is in college now, and is actually graduating sometime in the nearish future and one time a few years ago I was really sick with a terrible stomach bug. What did my sibling do? He made me soup, tea, and took care of me the entire time.

One of my other siblings was once crying, and she was talking to someone on her cell phone. What me and my other siblings do? Well, we pounced. I personally was ready to kill the person on the other side of the phone, for making my sister cry. As it turned out it was all a major misunderstanding and she was pretty much fine. My siblings and I protect each other.

So... In conclusion, I turned 16. Nothing feels different. My siblings and I fight a lot. I get along with my dad. I can't live without my siblings.

WHY IS LIFE SO CONFUSING

over 300!!

Over 300 pageveiws to my blog!!!!

You know what really annoys me?

Okay, so you remember that time, when people actually talked to each other when they hung out? Back before the only things siblings did together was fight and watch t.v.? I know, its probably too long ago for you to remember. At least that's what it sometimes seems like with my siblings. I know that we actually talk sometimes, but its still really annoying. We watch T.V. together a lot, but when I actually try to talk to them, I get yelled at for interrupting the television. I mean, I'll play air hockey, and occasionally go on walks with my siblings... I even eat and go to the movies with my sister and her friends a lot, but... still. I miss back when I could just talk to some people without the television getting in the way.

DOES ANYONE ELSE FIND THIS A PROBLEM???