As yourself

I've been thinking about a conversation I had with my father a few years ago a lot lately. It was two years ago, and I was working my way out of the lowest low I had ever (and have ever so far) felt. We must have been talking about my opinion of myself because the only thing I remember vividly from the conversation is the very end of it.

My father looked at me and seemingly randomly asked me what the second greatest commandment was. A little startled I responded quickly that it is to love your neighbor as yourself. He gave me a second to think, and then repeated what I had said.

"Love your neighbor as yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself Jenny."

Very confused, and a little hurt, as I have always tried to put my neighbor before me, I just stared at him blankly for a few seconds.

"Love your neighbor as yourself Jenny."

After the third time I finally asked him what his point could possibly be, fairly exasperated and feeling a bit frustrated at that teachers (my father is a teacher) always seem to want you to come up with your own answer, even when they ask senseless questions. Or in this case, don't even ask questions at all.

"Jenny, how are you supposed to love your neighbor as yourself if you hate yourself? Because I'm pretty sure Jesus did not mean you were supposed to hate them."


Wow.


That hit me pretty hard. I remember the conversation ended there for no reason other than I had absolutely no response to that. Yes, we are told in many different places in the Bible that we are to put others before ourselves, but I can't think of anywhere that says we are supposed to love others more than we are supposed to love ourselves. And I had completely missed that.

This idea got pounded into my skull even more a few months later when I was watching a project someone had done on the life of a saint (sadly I cannot remember which one). That group said the saint had seen humans as God's masterpiece. That changed my perspective on looking at other people certainly, but I also was reminded that I was a human too. God had made me too. I was a masterpiece too.

Recently I watched a new anime (yeah I know. Judge all you want, I ain't ashamed) where one of the characters went out of his way to do everything he could for other people, even when it was most likely going to kill him. He wanted to save everyone but himself, and the other characters told him he was a hypocrite because of it. To be honest I was pretty surprised by that because you just don't see people putting down that mindset...well ever, and to be honest I don't know if I completely agree with them to the extent they were taking it, but it did certainly make me think a bit.

Does wanting to save others with zero regard for your own life really make you a hypocrite? The conclusion I have come to is it depends on your motivation behind it. I believe the issue comes in when you want to save other people at any cost because you see them a human who deserves to be saved because they are God's masterpiece (or if you're not religious, simply they are a human), and you think you are less than they are. You think everyone deserves to be saved except for yourself, because somehow, you are less than everyone else.

Hey, let me tell you something. We have a God who loves us immensely, and sees us all as nothing other than His beloved children. I know many  people hate the song Good Good Father at this point because it has been so over played, but there is one line I think we all need to hear over and over again. It's "...and I am loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am". Well I mean it's who we are, but I'll let this one slide for now. I am loved by God, and that is who I am. Think about that for a second.

We are not our past, present, future, or any of the mistakes that lie within them. We are not our accomplishments. We are not the scars that will forever be a part of us. We are loved by God, we are part of a family that is forever loved and claimed by God, and that is all that matters.

What I'm trying to say is this: you are not less than anyone, and God does not see you as less than anyone. You deserve just as much love and care as your friends and those you want to protect do. You, just like them, are a masterpiece of God, and it is perfectly okay, and actually quite good, to acknowledge and boast in that. It is not selfish, it is taking care of a part of God's creation--you.

I also believe another reason so many good people think so poorly of themselves is because they think in order to actually be a good person, or a good christian, they are not allowed to love themselves. I don't really know why this is a thing, but I have certainly felt that way before, and I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one. We believe we should not give ourselves time to take care of us, or we should not allow ourselves to vent or cry or anything, because it's time we should be using to help someone else. We feel like if we love ourselves we are doing something wrong, because we should be constantly working on ourselves and trying to be more like God, and to do that we need to know we are are not perfect.


But we don't think other people need to be perfect to be good do we? Often we wish our friends could just see the good in themselves and love themselves the way we love them, right? We know sometimes our friends can't help themselves and we don't want them to feel like they have to go through it alone. We are there for them, and they were not made to go through this life miserable. There are so many things we think our friends deserve more than we do, don't we? I wonder what God thinks about that. I bet He is happy we are looking out for His children, but I wonder if it breaks His heart to see we have forgotten we are His child too.


Don't think of yourself insignificant or unimportant, because you God's creation, and you are putting part of His creation down. And I know you've probably heard that before, but try to think about it like this. God boasts in you, God is proud of you, God wants to take care of you and protect you, God loves you. Certainly God sees our mistakes and I do truly believe we hurt Him sometimes, but He loves us and does not believe we should be given up on because of it. We can feel that way about ourselves as well. We can love ourselves. We can take care of ourselves, even if it means once in a while we can't help someone else out for a brief amount of time. It's not selfish. It's taking care of the gift God gave you with this life, with this body, with this time. Remember that.

So I want to leave with this piece of advice. Never forget to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind. Never forget to love your neighbor and look out for them. But never forget to love yourself as you would love your neighbor as well. Never more, but never less. You are just as loved and as worthy as they are.

And let me tell you a secret, they probably think you are much more worthy than they are too. You are loved. Remind yourself of that.

Hey, I hope that was helpful for someone, I love you, and I'm praying for you.